


I Don't Know What I'm Searching For

by AshesStarsAndRedStringsOfFate



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Dark side Logan, Don't Post To Another Site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Logan Needs A Hug, M/M, Multi, Platonic Cuddling, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2019-12-26 00:18:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18271994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshesStarsAndRedStringsOfFate/pseuds/AshesStarsAndRedStringsOfFate
Summary: Only two Sides have never been a Dark Side. Now, there is one less Dark Side, and a certain someone can't handle his family changing around him. Enter a scheming snake and a scheming sunshine cinnamon roll who just want to see everyone happy. But, before that can happen, there needs to be tears and pain.Dark Side Logan AU





	1. I Have A Big Old Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Alright. I refuse to believe any Side of Thomas can be evil, so the Dark Sides are all just Giant Dorks who are a Family and while they all have Issues, they're not Evil. Don't like that? Please leave now. 
> 
> Deceit is a little shit and I love him. Fight me. 
> 
> Enjoy this crazy brainchild.

The sound of laughter floated down the stairs, stabbing into Logan’s ears and heart and stomach with a vengeance. He gritted his teeth and clutched his book tighter, trying to ignore all other external stimulus that was not the words on the smooth pages in front of him. Oh, how he wished he still had his noise-cancelling earbuds, but he’d given them to Virgil right before Virgil had- 

 

“No. Bad Logan. You will not think about that,” Logan gritted out, allowing his nails to dig into his arm to distract him from the thoughts that were usually locked up in the Do Not Touch box but were now swirling around freely. Virgil was happier without him, and he needed to accept that. He was Apathy, for crying out loud! He should not be feeling bad over this, but, for some unknown reason, he was. The laughter grew louder, a deep rich one accompanied by a high-pitched giggle and Virgil’s soft chuffing causing something nasty to writhe in Logan’s stomach. His nails dug harshly into his palm as he forced himself to keep reading and just… ignore everything else. 

 

“Logan? Can you come help? We’re… having some problems cooking,” a soft, timid voice said, breaking through Logan’s swirling, tumultuous thoughts. Logan looked up to see Dexter standing nervously in front of him, wringing his hands. His hair was messy, his undereye bags were larger and darker than they were last night, and he looked pale and shaky, but he had clearly made an effort with a turtleneck sweater and jeans, and that knowledge warmed Logan’s heart a little. Dexter had been trying lately to get better (“If Virgil can, why can’t I?”), and Logan knew he needed a little extra support. 

 

“Of course,” Logan murmured, smoothly standing and walking towards the kitchen, gently grabbing Dexter’s hand and giving it a light squeeze. While Logan was not always comfortable with physical contact ( _ you can never truly touch someone _ , his mind whispered,  _ as electrons will always repel each other _ ), it helped Dexter tremendously, and that was more important in this case. Dexter grinned shakily and followed, secretly glad his plan to distract Logan away from the stairs had worked. Everyone in the house had noticed lately that… Logan was spending far too much time by the stairs, in perfect earshot of the Light Sides, and he always seemed to come back on the verge of tears. So what if they all orchestrated a cooking disaster to get Logan away? It was just helping, wasn’t it?  

 

Logan walked into the kitchen to find it a chaotic mess. Ezra was desperately fanning the stove where a small fire had erupted, Pierre was trying to wrangle a fire extinguisher into working, and Dee was muttering to himself as he seemed to be trying to see where in the recipe they went wrong. Logan cleared his throat and everyone froze, looking over at him with shame in their eyes. Logan let out a soft smile and walked forward, gently turning off the stove and dumping water into the flaming pan. 

 

“I can do this, alright? Why don’t you all go calm down, and I’ll call when dinner is ready?” Logan offered. The others all nodded, grateful, and left, leaving Logan to stew alone in his thoughts. He sighed and set to work on making a simple soup that would cater to everyone’s needs. This was partially why dinner was so hard to make, as everyone had different diets. 

 

“Tofu for me… and gluten-free noodles for Dee… no milk for Dexter… and Ezra hates tomatoes… I think I have it,” Logan muttered, dropping everything into a vegetable stock and stirring, sighing in relief. Cooking was soothing for him. It was logical, relaxing, something that required all his concentration so nasty thoughts could not enter his head. Soon, however, far too soon, the soup was ready, and all the thoughts came rushing back. He choked back tears as he set only five places at the table ( _ There should be six, why weren’t there six,  _ why did Virgil leave-) and poured everyone a glass of their favourite healthy beverage before calling for dinner. Almost instantly, the others flooded in, all thanking Logan profusely for dinner before ladeling their portions. Logan smiled and sat beside Dexter, ignoring the empty place on the other side of himself in favour of spending his energy listening to Pierre ramble about this new show he was watching. Soon, far too soon, dinner was over, and Dexter volunteered to clean up, leaving Logan alone to stew in his thoughts in his room. 

 

“Knock knock, Lolo. Can I come in?” Dee’s voice called. Logan sighed and, with a wave of his hand, the door opened, allowing the snake into his room. Dee closed the door behind him and walked over to where Logan was curled into a ball in the corner, crouching down in front of him. 

 

“What do you want, Deceit?” Logan grumbled. He wasn’t in the mood for any long conversations right now. Dee sighed and held up a glass of water. 

 

“You haven’t been taking care of yourself. I’m here to make you.” Logan blinked, confused. Why did Dee care? 

 

“Why do you care?” Logan asked, voice a bit rough. Dee sighed and shoved the water into Logan’s hands, glaring. 

 

“I care because you’re family, Logan,” he grit out, clearing forcing himself to put effort into telling the truth into his words. Logan blinked again, a bit taken aback. “Listen, just drink your damn water and go to sleep. I’m making you breakfast tomorrow, no arguments.” Logan, a bit intimidated, drank his damn water and crawled into bed, snapping himself into a soft sweater and leggings. Dee nodded and tucked him in, smiling. “Goodnight, Logan. Sweet dreams.” He planted a soft kiss on Logan’s forehead before leaving, switching off the lights on his way out. 

 

Now, normally Logan had immense trouble sleeping, his mind too busy putting puzzles together and analyzing Thomas’s day, but for some reason, tonight was different. Tonight, sleep came quickly, dragging at his eyelids and pulling him down. He let it take him, exhausted, as his last conscious thought played in his head. 

 

_ I wonder how Virgil is doing right now. _

* * *

 

“Thomas. We need to talk.” Thomas looked up, confused, until he saw his yellow-and-black-clad Deceitful Side leaning against the wall. He closed his laptop, sighing heavily. Dee, as he prefered to be called, had been popping in more and more over the past month or so, ever since Virgil had permanently moved in with Roman and Patton, and while it had scared him at first, he was more used to it now. Dee really was just out to make sure that everyone was okay, and that care extended to both Thomas and all of his Sides. 

 

“Yeah, sure, buddy. What’s up?” Dee sighed and walked over, sitting down next to Thomas with his hands clasped in his lap. 

 

“Logan… I think Logan’s about to snap for good.” Thomas blinks, well aware of who Logan was despite never having met him. He knew that Virgil’s joining with Roman and Patton had hurt Logan, but he’d had no idea- 

 

“What do you suggest? I… I want to help, but I… I don’t know how?” Thomas asked, concern bubbling in his gut. Dee sighed and bit his lip, clearly thinking. The two fell into silence for a few minutes until Dee’s eyes lit up, clearly an idea in his mind. 

 

“What if… you know you can forcibly move our rooms, right?” Thomas nodded, the dots slowly connecting in his mind. “Put Logan’s room in the Light Side area. He was always the closest with Virgil, and it’s clear he needs to see that Virgil is okay and hasn’t forgotten him and still cares.” 

 

“Dee… you are a genius,” Thomas slowly said, grin stretching across his face. Dee giggled and beamed, a real, genuine smile. 

 

“No, I just have good ideas sometimes.” Thomas giggled back before focusing, getting a feel for the being known as Logan. Once he found him, he gasped, tears springing to his eyes. 

 

“Is he always… that sad and scared?” Thomas whispered. Dee nodded sadly before placing a comforting grip on Thomas’s shoulder. 

 

“Yes. But we can fix this, okay?” Thomas nodded, sniffing, before focusing again. He imagined picking up Logan’s room and moving it, dropping it into place next to Virgil’s, and locking it so it would not move. He felt something  _ shift _ , and then it was done. He looked at Dee, worried, and the Deceitful Side seemed to get it. 

 

“We’ll see what happens. You’ve done what you can, Thomas. It’s all up to Logan and the others now.” 


	2. But I Can't Leave Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Which Logan Is A Liar, Roman Is Aggressive, and Virgil Has A Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brought to you by: Calculus. Because when I should be learning how to take integrals, I'm writing instead because it calms me down.

Virgil shot awake, the feeling of Something Being Wrong curdling in his stomach and making it impossible to sleep. He could not tell what could possibly be wrong. Patton had been happily playing with dogs yesterday, Roman had just finished a script for a new episode, and Virgil’s own anxiety had been well under control. Thomas had hung out with his friends yesterday and had even flirted with the cute barista a bit, and he had flirted back. Everything was fine, so why was Virgil so on-edge? 

 

Screeching from right next to his room broke through his thoughts and shot into his muscles, causing him to vault out of bed and dash towards the source of the noise. He skidded to a stop in front of a brand-new, dark blue door, confusion and fear swirling in his brain. That door was new, what was going on, why was there screaming, was that crying inside? 

 

“You have five seconds to answer, demon!” Roman’s voice screeched out from within, and that got Virgil moving again. He threw himself into the door, bursting into the room ready to come to Roman’s defense, yet he froze as his eyes registered the situation. Roman’s sword was out and he was glaring, eyes wild and blazing with the force of a thousand suns, at a trembling Logan who looked to be on the verge of tears. His pale neck was already lightly stained with blood, most likely from the point of Roman’s sword under his chin. The lenses of his glasses were cracked, a bruise was blossoming on his cheek, and Virgil could practically see his ribs from where he was standing. Overall, he looked like shit. He looked absolutely terrified of the murderous Prince in front of him. 

 

“Roman! Calm down, back off, he’s not going to hurt you!” Virgil yelped, flying across the room to pull Roman back. Roman looked skeptical but backed off, lowering his sword but not ceasing his glare. Logan still stood, shocked, still as a statue, shaking like a kitten doused in water. 

 

“He’s a Dark Side, Virgil. Of course he’s going to hurt someone,” Roman replied, voice calm and even. He believed this, Virgil knew, even after having met another Dark Side who only wanted to help. 

 

“I have absolutely no idea why I am here or what is going on or why you wish to end my life, but could you please back up and listen to V-Anxiety?” Logan’s voice cut through, outwardly icy and perfectly unemotional. Virgil, however, knew him too well for that. Logan was terrified and in pain and on the verge of tears. His voice had wobbled slightly on every syllable, he had had to work to not stutter, and it was clear all he wanted to do was curl into a ball with his plushie and cry until the pain went away. And that was not something Virgil was going to let slide right now. 

 

“Roman, back the fuck up. He’s not going to hurt you, or anyone. Do you trust me?” Virgil shot back at Roman, subtly inching closer to Logan. He needed to be there in case anything happened, he needed to make sure Logan was okay, he had to protect him- 

 

“I trust  _ you _ , but I don’t trust  _ him _ ,” Roman growled out. 

 

“Then trust me because I think I know him a little better than you do!” Virgil yelled. A slight whimper left the Side behind him and he instantly lowered his volume, still glaring at Roman. “Trust me, Logan isn’t going to hurt anyone.” 

 

“Kiddos? What’s going on here?” Patton’s voice floated in from the doorway. Everyone froze and slowly turned to stare at Patton like deer in the headlights. The paternal side stood, head cocked to the side like a confused puppy, as his eyes took in the scene in front of him. Roman was the first to move, lowering and stowing his sword away as he winced under Patton’s concerned gaze. 

 

“Sorry, Padre, just startled. A Dark Side popped up and I was trying to figure out why, but Virgil stopped me.” Patton looked so betrayed at that, staring at Virgil with wide, sad eyes. 

 

“Virgil? Why did you stop Roman?” Virgil gritted his teeth and crossed his arms, feeling someone’s anxiety spike. It was a familiar anxiety, one he knew well from years of experience and cohabitation. 

 

“Because Logan’s not a threat, alright? I have no idea how he got here, but he’s here, and you need to start treating him like a person with feelings.” 

 

“He’s Apathy, Virgil!” Roman yelled, the dam breaking as he allowed his angers and frustration to pour out. Logan flinched back and Virgil glared at Roman even harder. “He doesn’t have any feelings!” 

 

“He is correct, Virgil. I have no emotions,” Logan broke in, voice outwardly perfectly flat. Again, Virgil knew better. Patton and Roman seemed to buy Logan’s obvious lies and looked at each other while Virgil gritted his teeth in frustration. He was about five seconds away from strangling the two extroverts at this point, and their deliberation was not helping. 

 

“Okay, um… so, we’re going to have to keep an eye on him, and make sure he can’t escape… and we’ll talk to Thomas about this?” Patton suggested. Virgil relaxed at that. He’d honestly been expecting worse. Logan clearly had been as well and also relaxed, almost all of the tension leaking out of his body along with Virgil. 

 

Well. Until Roman swung a baseball bat at Logan’s skull. Logan went down in a heap, unconscious the second Roman’s forceful swing contacted his temple, and Virgil screamed and dove to catch him. He managed to prevent Logan’s head from smacking into the floor at least, and he cradled him closer, heart pounding out of his chest. Logan remained a lifeless ragdoll, and Virgil began to cry. Oh stars, Logan was dead, Roman had killed him, this was all Virgil’s fault, he shouldn’t have dropped his guard- 

 

“Relax, Virge. We’re just going to tie him up and question him a bit. He’s fine, he’ll be okay, he’ll wake up in a couple hours, now hand him over-” Patton soothed, reaching out for Virgil. Virgil simply screeched and scrambled back, clutching Logan closer to his chest. 

 

“ **_Not another step, either of you!_ ** ” Virgil screeched. “ **_You hurt him, get away!_ ** ” Both Roman and Patton put their hands up in surrender and Virgil began to concentrate on getting Logan back to the Dark Sides. They could fix him, they would keep him safe, he’d be happier there, everything would be okay there- 

 

But he hit a wall. He hit a wall that wouldn’t budge or crack or leave and Virgil began to panic. He needed to get Logan back home, but he couldn’t get past this stupid  _ wall-  _

 

“Virgil! Kiddo, calm down, breathe with me honey!” Patton pleaded, appearing in front of Virgil and reaching for him, reaching to grab Logan and hurt him again- 

 

“ **_No! Stay back!_ ** ” Virgil screeched, shooting back into the wall with Logan. He barely registered Logan’s legs hitting the wall with a dull thud or the way Logan’s head lolled into Virgil’s stomach, focused solely on protecting his person with all his being. Patton sighed and scooted back, allowing Virgil to calm himself down, still hugging Logan to his chest as if he were afraid the other Side would vanish if he let him go for even a second. As much as it hurt Patton and Roman, they had caused this, and they had to let Virgil fix it his own way. And if that meant sitting back and watching him cry into an unconscious Dark Side while hugging him like a ragdoll, they would. It was what was best for Virgil right now, and Patton and Roman had agreed long ago that what was best for Virgil came first.

* * *

 

“... are you sure that was a good idea, Dee?” 

 

“No, it wasn’t a good idea. But it’s what they need right now, Pierre.” 

 

“You know Logan’s going to be devastated. He’s going to think we abandoned him.” 

 

“... he can think that. But this is what he needs.” 

 

“Is it a good idea to make those decisions for him?” 

 

“Again, no. But this is the only way, Ezra.” 

 

“Dexter’s not doing so well. Logan was always the one who knew how to help him best.” 

 

“I… I know. But… I need to think about what’s best for Logan right now, and what’s best for Virgil as well. And… they need this.” 

 

“Why is that, Dee?”

 

“... I love him, and I just want to see him happy…”

 

“Oh, Dee, no, don’t cry, it’s okay, come here. Everything will be okay, alright? Things will be perfect and back to normal soon, you’ll see.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to yell at me, I promise I'll make the boys feel better... eventually xD 
> 
> ~Logan


	3. I Should Know By Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Logan has Feelings, Roman is a Dick (I'm sorry), and Patton and Virgil are Trying Their Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brought to you by: 2 AP tests in one day. Why. Just why.
> 
> Also! I'm doing two Big Bang pieces, so please don't expect updates on this for a couple months! I'm not dead, just working on other pieces!

Logan woke up slowly, groaning, his head pounding in protest at his decision. He really should listen to Dee more, he thought, especially if he felt this much like shit. He pushed himself upright and looks at his surroundings, squinting in confusion as he realized everything was overly blurred. Where were his glasses? He flailed his hand out to the side to grab them, only to yelp as his hand smacked painfully into a smooth glass surface. He pulled it back, rubbing at it, before turning his head and squinting to see what he had hit. It was a glass coffee table, which caused him to blink in confusion. They didn’t have a glass coffee table, they had a wooden one because they’d had too many accidents and kept breaking the glass ones. So why was there a glass coffee table? And why was the room so bright? It was hurting his eyes.  

 

“Logan! You’re awake!” a chillingly familiar voice called, causing Logan’s heart to pound and his spine to stiffen. He had but a moment to brace himself before he was pressed into the couch by a warm, lanky body wrapping itself around him. He yelped, still mostly blind, and tried to squirm away, not wanting to deal with this today. 

 

“Logan, Logan it’s me, calm down- oh wait, you can’t see, you don’t have your glasses, hang on I’ll get them for you,” the person babbled, half releasing Logan before something was rudely shoved onto his face. He blinked, everything coming into focus, and managed to slip an arm out to properly adjust his glasses before glaring over at his captor, his old best friend. 

 

“What do you want, Virgil?” Logan asked, sure to keep his tone flat and icy. He was Apathy, after all, and Virgil was no longer his friend. He’d made that quite clear after he’d left. Virgil flinched back, satisfaction and disgust bubbling and churning and fighting for superiority in Logan’s stomach at the action. “In fact, why am I here? Last I checked, you are a Light Side, and I a Dark. We cannot occupy the same space.” 

 

“Logan, that’s bullshit and you know it,” Virgil growled, brown eyes flashing with anger. Logan swallowed back the pain at not seeing that one green eye anymore and leveled his best glare at Virgil, smoothly standing and beginning to walk towards the door that he knew led to the Dark Side’s common room. 

 

“Is it? That is a fact, Virgil. It does not matter now, I suppose. Goodbye, Virgil. Have a pleasant life.” With that, he grabbed the knob and twisted, fully prepared to walk back to his room and pretend nothing was bothering him. His plans, however, were hampered by the fact that the knob would not budge. He blinked, startled, and tried again, only to meet the same result. 

 

“Yeah, neither of us can get down there apparently,” Virgil said, his voice soft in the silence. Logan bit his lip and fought back tears as he continued to try. Perhaps the door was just stuck, perhaps he could easily fix it if he pulled hard enough, he couldn’t be locked out- 

 

“Logan. Logan, buddy. Come on, come away from the door, it’s not working,” Virgil murmured, appearing behind Logan and gently pulling him back. Logan wanted to snap at him, tell him to leave him alone and that’s he’d already done enough, but he couldn’t muster the energy. 

 

“Logan,” Virgil sighed. “Come on. I’ll give you the tour and do some introductions, and then we can figure this out, okay?” Logan nodded, allowing himself to be pulled away by Virgil, and he spent the rest of Virgil’s tour in a fog, barely registering where everything was. He only began to pay attention when someone who was not Virgil took his hand, startling him out of his daze. 

 

“I’m Roman, Creativity to you though,” the tall prince in front of him growled, glaring down at Logan. Logan tried to hide his wince and shook back, facing down Roman with a glare and mumbling out “Apathy, then.” 

 

“Hi, kiddo, sorry about your head,” Patton then butt in, grabbing Logan’s hand from Roman and pulling him into a hug. Logan immediately shoved back, not wanting to be in a hug with the stranger who had stolen his best friend from him. 

 

“It’s fine,” Logan growled. “And do not call me kiddo.” 

 

“Okay, kiddo!” Patton chirped, causing Logan to let out a light growl of frustration. “By the way, I’m making dinner tonight, and since you’re here for a while, you need to eat with us!” Logan blinked, confused. Why did Patton want him there? 

 

“Logan’s a vegetarian, Patton,” Virgil said, breaking through Logan’s stewing, swirling thoughts. Logan blinked, confused. Why had Virgil remembered his diet? There was no reason for that piece of knowledge, after all, so why had he remembered when his brain could be used to store more relevant information? 

 

“What? I have to not eat meat because of a Dark Side? Why don’t we just make him eat what the rest of us eat? He’s our prisoner, after all,” Roman complained. Logan bit his lip, anxiety swimming in his stomach. If they decided to ignore his diet… but he didn’t want to seem weak. He could just not eat? 

 

“Or… consider… not being an asshole,” Virgil snapped back, darkness practically radiating off of him as he began to prepare Roman’s death. “Ever consider that Logan can’t eat meat?” 

 

“Anxiety, I am fine. Please do not make an issue of this, it is not necessary,” Logan murmured, gently grabbing Virgil’s hand to stop him from doing something rash. Virgil, however, shook him off and lunged for Roman, who simply screeched in confusion and ran, Virgil hot on his heels. Logan bit his lip, confused about the emotions swirling in his stomach. He had not meant to start anything. He was not responsible for Virgil’s actions. Roman had honestly been a large jerk. Why did Logan feel bad, then? 

 

“Kiddo? Do you want me to try and make something without meat?” Patton’s voice came from behind. Logan startled and turned, quickly schooling his features into a blank mask. 

 

“Do what you wish. If you need me, I shall be on the couch,” Logan replied, careful to keep his voice toneless. With that, he turned around and strode back to the couch, choking back tears. He didn’t belong, he knew that, these were Virgil’s friends and he had no place. The least he could do was not inconvenience them, as then maybe they would not lock him up and ignore him. With those thoughts pounding in his skull, he sat down and tuned out, barely registering Virgil and Roman screaming at each other, barely registering Patton trying to get his attention, barely registering the change in vision clarity as someone took his glasses, and not even registering the hug Patton gave him. He simply sat there and stared at the wall, trying to shove the pieces of his broken heart down. He was Apathy, that was his job. It would not do for Apathy to be breaking apart from emotion. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this! 
> 
> ~Logan


	4. I Don't Know What My Love Is For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Which Logan and Virgil have a Chat, Virgil calls out Logan's Bullshit, and Roman and Patton have a Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brought to you by: I'm feeling like shit and need to get it out somehow, so have some self-projection onto my favourite character
> 
> And Big Bang pieces are coming in a couple days! Hope you all like them!

Dinner was awkward, but short for Logan, as he wolfed down half of his plate before running away to find a corner to hide in, ignoring the yelling from Roman and Patton for him to come back. He refused to go back. He did not wish to be belittled or harmed or forced to see how happy Virgil was without him- 

 

“No. Bad Logan. Those are emotions. You are Apathy. You do not feel emotions,” Logan mumbled, hitting the back of his head at the end of each sentence to punctuate it. “Emotions mean you are faulty and broken, and even if you are not important to Thomas’s existence, you cannot be faulty or broken. Emotions are not allowed.” 

 

“That sounds like some pretty harsh standards, L,” Virgil’s soft voice called from behind him. Logan whipped around, insisting to himself that his blurred vision was because of a crack and a smudge in his glasses and not tears, never tears, to find Virgil standing there and watching him with sad eyes. “I’d hate to know who told you that, because then I’d have to utterly destroy them.” 

 

Logan choked on a lump in his throat that randomly appeared. “And if the person who told me that happened to be myself?” 

 

“Then I guess I’d have to fight you and then wrap you in blankets until you stopped believing it,” Virgil evenly answered, shrugging before moving to crouch next to Logan’s curled form. “Because I don’t appreciate people lying to the people I love, especially when it’s lies that hurt them.” 

 

“I thought you liked Dee,” Logan mumbled, wiping at his face with the heels of his hands. “You two always got along well.” 

 

“Yeah, well, that’s because you liked him and you liked me, and we both liked you, and we didn’t want to make you feel like you had to choose, so we sucked up our dislike for each other to keep you happy. We really don’t like each other.”

 

“You did not have to do that, Virgil,” Logan said, looking up. “You do not have to pretend for me.” 

 

“Have you ever considered that it was so you’d be happy?” Virgil whispered. “It’s the one thing Dee and I agree on.” 

 

“Happiness is an emotion. I’m Apathy. I-” 

 

“Logan, cut the crap. We all know you feel emotions,” Virgil growled. “And dammit, but I care about making sure you’re happy.” 

 

“Why? You have Roman and Patton now. Surely they are better for you than I ever was,” Logan mumbled, looking back at the floor. He found he couldn’t meet Virgil’s eyes as he said that, too scared that he would see agreement, the truth, reflected back at him. 

 

“Logan. I need you to listen to me.” Logan nodded. “And look at me.” Logan swallowed but looked up, forcing himself to meet Virgil’s gaze despite how difficult it was. 

 

“Good. Now. Patton has helped a lot with the anxiety, yes. He knows the best ways to calm me down and he understands that sometimes, it’s just a bad day, and not something he did. Roman has helped by giving me an outlet for some of my thoughts, my words, my ideas. He allows me to say all the things I’ve bottled up and flings them back at me playfully because he understands I don’t always mean them. They help, yeah they do.” Logan bit his lip. He had thought he was ready for the truth. 

 

“But they don’t help with everything. They don’t know exactly how I like my coffee and my tea and they don’t know when to switch from one to the other. They don’t know exactly how I like to be hugged in the middle of a panic attack. They don’t read  _ The Hobbit  _ in that exact soothing voice to help tell me that everything is going to be okay. They don’t sing along slightly off-key to my music just because it makes me smile.” Logan was almost crying at this point. “They help, yeah, but so do you.” 

 

“Virgil… that, I, I do not know what to say…” Logan sniffed and rubbed at his eyes again, trying to force the emotions back. He didn’t like this feeling, both hot and cold at once, both light and heavy, crushing his heart into his lungs and churning his stomach. “I was not aware-” 

 

“Yeah, L, I love you, you dork. Now let me hug you and show you that,” Virgil laughed, opening his arms and waiting for Logan to decide he was comfortable enough to do so. Logan gave a small smile and fell into Virgil’s arms, allowing the warmth from the anxious side to soak into his frame and set to work repairing the hurt it found there. All the lonely nights spent crying into a pillow, all the meals spent on the verge of tears, all those long days camped out on a staircase listening, all those things might not be fixed now, or anytime soon, but here, in this hug, was a start. And that, Logan thought, was quite enough. 

 

Patton found them like that, a couple hours later, the two sides sleeping on each other. He smiled softly and picked up both of them with ease, carrying them to his room. When Logan had ran off after wolfing down his dinner, Patton had decided to build a pillow fort in his room, sure the Dark Side would need it after he’d tracked him down. And honestly, Virgil would never complain about sleeping in a pillow fort in Patton’s room. 

 

Logan seemed to relax as soon as he was settled into the pillow fort with Virgil curled around him, a sight that made Patton grin. He hadn’t seen him relax at all since he had first arrived, and even if Patton didn’t know him well, he wanted to see him be okay. 

 

“Thanks Patt,” Virgil mumbled sleepily. 

 

Patton chuckled and ruffled Virgil’s fluffy curls, whispering “You’re welcome kiddo,” before standing back up. “Good night you two.” With that, he left the two of them alone in his room and went to rejoin Roman in the commons, grabbing a mug of tea before settling down next to his boyfriend. 

 

“I still don’t trust him,” Roman grumbled, wrapping an arm around Patton’s shoulders. “Even if Virgil likes him.” 

 

“I know, love, but give him a chance? He’s really not scary,” Patton murmured, pressing a kiss to Roman’s temple. “I think, deep down, he needs some love and affection.” 

 

“That doesn’t mean it has to come from Virgil.” 

 

“No, love. I think that’s exactly what it means.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought! Thank you so much for reading and sticking with me, and I'll see you all next chapter! 
> 
> ~Logan


	5. I've Got Open Eyes (And An Open Door)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Which Logan Finally Meets Thomas, Can't Catch A Break, and Gets A Visit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, college has been kicking my ass. And I had a Secret Santa to write. And NaNoWriMo. And finals are next week. 
> 
> But! Here it is! A mild warning for Dee being an asshole, but I promise, it will be explained next chapter. Enjoy!

“Virgil, I do not believe this to be a wise idea,” Logan said, voice shaking slightly as he clutched at the anxious side’s hand. “I do not believe Thomas wants to meet me.” 

 

“Shut up, yes he does,” Virgil sighed, squeezing Logan’s hand. “He’s really not going to judge you, or hate you, or anything you’re thinking of.” 

 

“How can you be sure?” Logan shot back. “You and I are different people.” 

 

“Yeah, I know. Just trust me.” Logan opened his mouth, probably to assure Virgil that he did, in fact, trust him, when Virgil pulled both of them down into Thomas’s living room to join Roman and Patton. Logan shook his head, disoriented, before blinking and readjusting his glasses before facing Thomas for the first time in his life. 

 

“Hey! You’re Logan, right?” Thomas asked, a bright smile fixed on his face. Logan slowly nodded in response, not sure what Thomas wanted from him. What had he heard? Would he hate Logan? 

 

“Great! I’m Thomas. Nice to meet you, Logan!” His brown eyes sparkled with nothing but warmth, and his grin practically oozed friendliness. Logan could not see any ulterior motives, but that did not mean that he trusted Thomas quite yet. 

 

“Likewise,” Logan muttered, refusing to meet Thomas’s eyes. “My apologies for disrupting your schedule today.” 

 

“What? Logan, no, don’t worry! Everyone does this,” Thomas laughed, running a hand through his hair. “Hell, Patton just comes in to steal from my fridge while Roman just pops in and steals my TV!” 

 

Ah. That made sense in Logan’s mind. Roman and Patton did seem the type to just take what they wanted without a thought for others. However, Logan was not that person, and he wished to respect Thomas’s time, space, and belongings. “Still, it is rude.” 

 

“Logan,” Thomas huffed. “It’s fine. I wanted to meet you.” 

 

“Ah. In that case, I shall take my leave, as we have made our introductions formally. Have a pleasant day, Thomas.” With that, Logan sank back into the Light Side area of the Mindscape, ignoring the protests from Thomas. He sat on the couch, grabbing his book from earlier, and began to read, mentally starting a timer in his head. 

 

Exactly two minutes and twenty three seconds after Logan had sunk out, Virgil appeared in front of him, arms crossed. “What was that.”

 

“I simply left,” Logan answered, not looking up from his book. “Does that upset you?” 

 

“Does that upset- Logan, Thomas was trying to be nice and get to know you!” 

 

“Yes, and I did not wish to intrude.” Honestly, Logan did not understand how Virgil did not understand why he did that. Thomas was a busy man, far too busy for his faulty, unimportant Apathy, and Logan knew that, hence why he did not wish to bother the man. 

 

“Logan, you are an idiot,” Virgil announced. With that, he spun around and stalked off towards his room, leaving Logan alone on the couch. Logan sighed, not surprised by that reaction, and settled back into the couch, fully intent on finishing his book in peace. 

 

That plan went to hell in exactly nineteen minutes, as Roman— Creativity, Logan reminded himself— flopped down next to him with a glare. “Move.” 

 

“Why?” Logan simply kept reading, choosing to not even give Creativity an iota of his direct attention. “I am merely reading.” 

 

“Because you’re on my couch,” Creativity growled. “And I want you off of it.” 

 

Deciding it was not worth the fight, Logan simply rolled his eyes and stood. “Fine. Have a wonderful time being alone.” As he walked past, Creativity stuck out his foot to trip him. Logan stumbled briefly, not being able to dodge in time, but quickly righted himself, glaring back at Creativity before stalking out. He would just migrate to his room, then. 

  
His room was not much better, as he had scarcely been in there for ten minutes before Patton was knocking on his door, asking for an opinion on this new pastry he was trying out. Logan grumbled but followed, allowing Patton to shove about ten different types of baked goods into his face before he was satisfied. 

 

Logan was released after an hour, and he went back to his room, settling back down to read. Of course, the world was determined to make him suffer today, because Virgil knocked on his door a few minutes after he had just settled in. 

  
“L? Can we talk?” 

 

“About what, Virgil,” Logan replied, voice icy and flat as he did not look up from his book. If Virgil had just come to yell at him, Logan had no time for that. He did want to read today, after all, and all of these interruptions were starting to grate on him. 

 

“I just wanted to know if there was anything you wanted me to ask Thomas to get for you? He gets stuff for us sometimes, and I just thought…” 

 

Logan looked up at that, opening the door with a flick of his wrist. “Crofter’s Jam would be splendid, but is not needed. What brought this on?” 

 

“Just a thought, it’s stupid,” Virgil mumbled, shuffling his feet a bit. “Thomas also wanted to know…” 

 

“Well, that is sweet of him, but it is not necessary. But if he insists, Crofter’s please.” With that, Virgil nodded and closed the door, leaving Logan once again alone to read in peace. Logan let out a small smile and dove back into his book, quickly losing himself in the fantastical, highly unrealistic but interesting world of the far future. 

 

“My, my, what ever is  _ this  _ about?” Logan instantly perked up, a large smile spreading across his face as he whirled around. 

 

“Dee! Oh, there you are, I was worried something had happened since I could not return to the common area, but I am glad to see that you are alright!” Logan set his book aside and stood, beginning to walk closer to Dee. Dee simply arched an eyebrow at the movement. Logan paused, a bit concerned at Dee’s apparent disregard for his words or actions. “Dee?” 

 

“And why would you be able to return to the common area of the Dark Sides?” Dee asked, voice dripping with venom. “You’re a Light Side.” 

 

Logan felt the blood drain from his face and he shook his head, Dee’s words bouncing around his skull. “No, no, I am not. I am a Dark Side, just like you.” 

 

Dee simply chuckled at that, smirking. “Oh, but you are with Virgil now. You have been accepted by Thomas as a Light Side. Congratulations, Logan! It’s everything you’ve ever wanted.” 

 

Furiously shaking his head, Logan attempted to blink back tears, choking out “No, no, I wanted to stay, I wanted to-” His hands came up to cover his mouth, stifling the apology he was about to deliver. 

 

“Don’t lie to yourself, Logan. I’ll always know,” Dee purred, golden snake eye flashing. Tears began to trickle down Logan’s cheeks as Dee turned and walked away, only pausing to throw a single parting remark over his shoulder. “Have fun with your new friends. I hope they’re worth it.” With that, he vanished, and Logan could finally remove his hands from his mouth. 

  
“D-dee…” Logan whimpered, staring at the place where his best friend since childhood had vanished to. “I’m sorry…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill by now, guys. I'd really appreciate it xD 
> 
> ~Logan

**Author's Note:**

> If you've read my stuff, you know the drill. 
> 
> If you haven't, hi, welcome, I'm your resident Angst Lord who vanishes for months at a time before updating :) Please feel free to scream at me in the comments! I love hearing what you think. 
> 
> See you all next chapter!
> 
> ~Logan


End file.
